Long Time No See

Woah woah. Hopefully I’m not blowing your minds by actually writing in this old, little corner on the internet of mine. The last time I wrote was in JULY. Yeesh.

When I decided to stop writing for a little while this summer, I was in such a negative headspace about myself and my life. I was feeling all kinds of anxiety and stress. I was mentally exhausted. And for the first time in like three years, I didn’t want to share it with every person who cared to read about it. I was tired of giving so much of myself to everyone and not enough to myself.

SO I stopped blogging as an experiment to see if it would give me more time to look inwardly and work on stuff that I had been avoiding by doing things like procrasti-blogging (spoiler: it did). I saw that I forgot why I was blogging in the first place and who this space was for. I needed some time off to really look at what I was using my blog for. I needed to remind myself that it’s okay to keep some things private and close to the chest- I don’t have some higher obligation to share ALL THE THINGS.

In my time off, I realized a few things that I love and don’t love:

  • I love writing- and not having an outlet to get my writing out there is really hard for me. I see my life sometimes in pieces of writing and it kills me not being able to put paper to pen and have other people read it.
  • I love sharing- I want to share tough and real tidbits about my life because we’re all going through these things and not enough people talk about them. I’ve been supported by so many people in online communities and I like being part of that.
  • I don’t love seeing “writing a blog post” as an annoying to do list item- I don’t think I can post multiple times a week. I think I need to be able to feel like I can write when I want and not write when I don’t feel like it.
  • I don’t love writing structured posts that don’t have any significant meaning. I want to write about my life in all its disheveled glory. Don’t get me wrong, product recs and song suggestions are fun, but I don’t think there needs to be full posts dedicated to them in this space.

I think in some ways, my blog lost its authenticity. I was trying so hard to be what I thought other people wanted me to be- instead of focusing on what I really know and love. At the end of the day, I shouldn’t be writing in a way that doesn’t feel genuine. If you know me, being genuine is like, my MO! So when I felt like my blog didn’t reflect that, I had to dip out and find myself (Eat, Pray, Love style… or something like that).

All this being said- I’m back. I’m back in a way that feels good to me. I can’t promise posts all the damn time, but I can promise very real prose about things I find interesting, funny, and sad that are going on with me.

ON THAT NOTE- here’s what has happened since the last time I blogged:

  1. I turned 26! HBD, me!
  2. I moved! Hello, Medford!
  3. I got a new job! Ciao, Whole Foods Market!
  4. I voted for the first woman president of the United States #HillYES
  5. I watched the entire Gilmore Girls series for the first time (too many emotions!!!)
  6. I went to two weddings (I’m surprised it wasn’t more, honestly)
  7. I found out I have food sensitivities to sweet potatoes, brussels, bananas, pretty much all berries except for cran, turkey, pork, and tuna (very important information here, guys!)
  8. …? I think that’s it?

Now that I put all that in list form, it doesn’t seem like you guys have missed all that much. And here I was thinking my life has been SO interesting- that I’ve grown ~soooo~ much and evolved into this better human. Okay, well, I probably have done that to some degree, but part of me definitely doesn’t feel like THAT much has changed.

I’m in this weird time of my life where I’m about to transition to a new work environment having been with WFM for three years. I’m missing people and totally nostalgic, but I’m also excited and happy for myself that I’m going on to something more fulfilling and secure feeling.

I’m also on the mend from all my dumb health issues, but this time I actually feel like I have a clue as to what’s going on. I don’t feel as lost and hopeless as I did back in July (thank God). I’ve gotten some answers to things that used to keep me up at night. I got my period naturally for the first time in three years last month and that pretty much made me the happiest human alive (that probably should have been #1 in the numbered list above). It hasn’t come regularly since, but it gave me so much hope that all is not lost and that all the hard work I put into taking care of myself has been worth it.

Will said to me at the end of September, October is your month. I laughed having NO idea what he meant. I pushed him for further clarification and he would just respond something like, you’ll see or it just is. Now with October 2016 over, I can honestly say that I know where he’s coming from. It’s always a month of new beginnings for me. It’s when I started with WFM three years ago, it’s when I started in customer service with WFM last year, and it’s when I had my last day with WFM this year. Four of my best female friends have birthdays in October so I have to believe there’s some bizarre cosmic connection there. It’s my favorite time of year and I feel like my change in energy reflects that- I feel more comfortable. I get softer and less tense. I love the weather, the clothes, the coziness, the food- all of it. It all inspires me to be the best version of myself. It makes me wonder if I was meant to be Jewish- having my new year start somewhere at the end of September, making way for a fresh feeling October.

I also finally quit my gym membership. I hadn’t gone in months and it was a huge waste of money. I’ve been loving working out at home, doing my own thing, and dropping in on spin classes or dance classes when I feel like it. I also just didn’t like the energy of the gym I was a part of. It was very negative, obsessive, and cliquey feeling. Blah.

So, because this gym makes you cancel your membership in person… I made the trek over there to do that today. I had been avoiding this moment because I had heard that they were really difficult to cancel with (making me think of that Friends episode where Ross tries to help Chandler quit the gym) and I’m a huge baby.

I put on my big girl pants and went in there and told them that I had to cancel. And when they asked why, I did what any sensible and normal person would do… I lied.

I told them I was moving to New Hampshire. That I was transferring with my work to go up there and help them open a new store. And oh, what a shame, there are no locations of this gym up there. RATS!

Say what you want, but it took all of five minutes for them to cancel my membership and send me on my way.

That’s how you do it! #iaintsorry

But it all seriousness, it’s good to be back. Thanks for not making me feel terrible for dipping out.

xx

 

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