I’m having a really hard time coping with the big event to come later this week. My coping consists of me trying as hard as possible to not pay attention to the news, immersing myself into other worlds via television, audiobooks, and podcasts, surrounding myself with likeminded people who are equally as nervous, and focusing on work.

I’m not saying this is the way to go- I wish I was able to simply turn my outrage into constructive acts of political activism. But I know I’m not the only one still in shock mode. I continue to be shocked and disgusted every day. In ways that knock the wind out of me. It’s crazy. My best friend said today, if I lived in a different time and was looking back at this moment in history, I wouldn’t believe that it happened. But it’s happening. Right now. It’s actually happening.

When I really think of the gravity of what’s going to happen on Friday (not to mention the hearings that have been happening and the changes already in play that are going to have a seriously negative impact on so many Americans), I shut down. As a natural introvert, it makes me recoil and want to hide away in my own little nest. I feel so small.

I continue to make my donations, wait to hear back from the Planned Parenthood volunteer opportunity I applied for, and continue to do random acts of kindness every day that help make the world better in teeny tiny ways. But I can’t bring myself to harness my voice and do even more.

I feel frozen.

There have been days where my entire day has been ruined by spending a half hour reading the news and catching myself up to speed on everything happening because I just get so MAD and grumpy and anxious.

Fuck that.

I never thought that self care was going to be me never watching or reading the news. Lately, it’s a trap that I get sucked into and I regret every second I spend all up in it.

I’m not going to be able to hideaway forever in the world of the Pearson family of This Is the drama of Real Housewives,Β the heart wrenching tales of Bruce Springsteen’s life via listening to him read his memoir, or the beautiful music I recently discovered of Leif Vollebekk. There’s only so much countless episodes of VEEP, political satire from SNL and Second City, and endless walks around my neighborhood can do to make me feel okay. They’re all temporary escapes. I love them all, but I’m very well aware that they’re not going to change what’s happening in our country right now.

But I continue to be frozen.

I don’t know where to go from here. I felt like I had to write this post to summarize the feelings I’m sure other people out there feel right now- just to get them out of my freaking head. This week feels like doomsday is approaching and I’ve need creative outlets to express how I’m feeling more than ever.

I’m frozen.

Literally and figuratively- there’s like this freezing rain, windy nonsense happening outside right now and it’s very unpleasant.

All I have left to say is, I really hope it does rain on Friday in DC. I want our PEOTUS to know that mother nature is just as angry as so many of us are.


One thought on “Coping

  1. Allison – you captured the way I feel now and have felt for a long time. I, too, hope it rains tomorrow and is sunny for the Women’s March on Saturday! Hang in there..:) Marie


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